Mental diarrhea of a special needs mom

I worry that I don't push you hard enough. I worry that I push you too hard. I worry that I see you differently than others do. I worry that others won't recognize your potential. I worry that I expect too much. I worry that I sometimes don't expect enough. I worry that you'll never understand how amazing you are. I worry that I'll over inflate your ego. I worry that I force you be too independent. I worry that I don't expect you to be independent enough. I worry that one day you just won't wake up. I worry that one day you'll stop breathing and I'll be there but I won't be able to fix it. I worry that one day you'll drink and drive and have an accident. I worry that other kids will make fun of you and you'll believe them. I worry that you'll feel inferior to the kids who are bigger or faster. I worry that you'll feel like we love your brother more. I worry that your brother will feel like we love you more. I worry that one day you'll think maybe you weren't supposed to live. I worry that you'll smoke. I worry that you'll be the last kid picked. I worry that you'll think my love for you is dependent on your abilities and successes. I worry that you'll take your talents for granted and mourn your weaknesses more than you should. I worry that your teachers will pigeon-hole you and not recognize your strengths. I worry that some girl will break your heart one day. I worry that you'll make the same mistakes I did. I worry that I'll obsess over making you eat and that you'll wind up overweight. I worry that you'll get cancer from all the radiation we've exposed you to. I worry that I protect you too much, and not enough. I worry that one day I'll push too hard for the doctors to do a procedure, and it will not end well. I worry that I'll sit quietly and not push the doctors, and it will not end well. I worry that you'll get hurt playing football. I worry that you'll think your best isn't enough. I worry that you'll be bullied in the bathroom at school. I worry that one day you'll go in the men's room alone. I worry that you will get some girl you don't love pregnant. I worry that you'll be infertile from all the xrays. I worry that I am setting you up for failure. I worry that I am doing everything wrong. I worry that I'm not doing everything I can.

I worry.