Birth story numero tres: The Demon

Since we're edging up on a very special birthday on July 30, I decided to finally finish a post I started about 11 months ago :) I never did tell you all about Tyler's original "birthday" and I think it's about time you heard it :)

So it was Wednesday, July 29, 2009, and I was under a lot of pressure (from those who did not have to push a big honking baby out of their respective vaginas) to have the baby on that particular day. Beth, Dax's home health nurse, wanted to win $1 for guessing the right date, and she had picked the 29th since it was both mine and Shep's and her and her husband's wedding anniversaries. My mother had told me under no uncertain terms that I had to have him before Thursday the 30th because that was most convenient for her, and my dear husband had told me that Wednesdays were most convenient for him. So I did what any reasonable person would do... I sat on my butt and squeezed my legs shut and told the baby to stay put. I don't do convenient ;)

But of course, I forgot that I have noncompliant children.

I didn't have a contraction all day, then around 3 or so I started having light ones.... But they were organized. 15 mins, 10 mins, 7 mins, 5 mins... They didn't hurt but they were there, and then around 9pm I started bleeding. We called our parents and packed our bags and got Dax squared away and headed to the hospital. The contractions were 3 minutes apart...

We get to the hospital and they check me and I'm dilated to 5. And the contractions stop. (I told you I have noncompliant children...)

I'm admitted anyways and they ship me to the labor and delivery floor. Shep and I walk for 45 minutes. Still no organized contractions, but when they do hit they hurt a little. Still not dilating more. My mom shows up and we all wait.

They asked me if I wanted an epidural... After having both the twins naturally, my answer was, without hesitation, oh hell yes!

I eventually got the epidural and then I took a nap in between IV alarms and people in and out... I was a little bummed that the contractions had stopped.

Except the contractions had not stopped. The epidural was just that good.

I should mention here that I love epidurals. Everyone should have one. They're amazing. I want one now! I could have an epidural baby every day!

At shift change the new nurse, Nurse A, walks in and starts to introduce herself, and then we both scream "AHHHHH" and hugged :) She was one of the nurses who took care of me when I was on bedrest on the high risk floor last year, and we love her and she's fantastic. We were so happy to have her!

Dr. L., or as I call him, Dr. R.(you'll have to figure that one out yourself), came in to see me around 7:45am or so and ordered a pitocin drip...

(Okay, some back story on the doctor. He was a brand new hire at my high risk OB, and I had just met him for the 1st time the week before. I was nervous because I was so close to delivery and here's this new doc... But he walks into the exam room at his office and introduces himself, and then says, "I speak Ching-rish, and you wirr probabry not unnastan moohs of wha I say." He was so cute and charming, and I liked him immediately (although "cute and charming" are characteristics I usually look for more in the one getting me pregnant, not the one delivering the baby!)

But I digress. And, I did not, in fact, understand anything else he said that day...

But we'll come back to him in a little bit...

So I'm still just lying around, hanging out with Shep and my mom, trying to figure out when the little monster would make his grand entrance. While we're waiting, two of our old friends from the NICU, Nurse B and the Speech Therapist, came down to say hello. Nurse B said she'd be honored to be in on Ty's delivery, since she was there for both my other two, and the speech therapist says she'd love to hang out, too, you know, in case of any speech therapy-related emergencies.

So I said, what the hell. Why not? And I'm not sure my vagina can perform without an audience, anyway. I'm fairly sure Dax's delivery was listed on TicketMaster.

So the doctor comes back and I haven't really progressed, so he decides to break my water. He does, and then asks me if it had already broken, because there wasn't much fluid.

I reply no, but then we figure it out...

A month prior I had, ahem, sprung a leak, that was checked and there was no amniotic fluid in it. Apparently over the course of the month my plumbing problems had become more interesting. Thankfully our Ty still had plenty of fluid left and all was well.

So then we wait some more.

FINALLY it's time, and my very meager entourage of just one doctor, one husband, a handful of nurses, and a speech therapist, gather around my hoo-haa and Nurse A tells me to start pushing when I feel a contraction.

So, did I mention how awesome my epidural was? They had to TELL ME when I was having a contraction.

I was able to push effectively except for all the times Dr. L kept repeating how "ruvvery" (ahem, "lovely") I was doing while I was pushing, which made me laugh and lose the pushing stamina. No telling how many contractions I missed because of that!!! :)

Then he'd say "Pooosh hhhaaadder," and I'd laugh again.

"Juss one moh pooosh," he said, about 5 "poooshes" in a row.

Finally, at 10:20AM, it's the big one, and I pooosh and pooosh and he says "Pooooosh harder, poooosh harder" and the baby squirts out and he says "Srow down you poooosh too haaaahd!"

And I cracked up :)

I must say, it was awfully nice to have a delivery where my biggest fear was pooping on the table in front of my friends. (They said I didn't. I hope that's true.)

At any rate, Nurse B and the speech therapist completed Ty's assessment, and they concluded he was 7lbs 7oz, 18.5" long with no speech-related issues and gave him to me while Dr. L tried to put my Humpty Dumpty back together again.

And I looked down at Ty in my arms, and I thought, "My lord, this kid looks like a garden gnome."

(Thankfully he grew out of that later:)

So, they cart him off and when I'm able, Nurse A and Shep get me up and help me to the bathroom, where I am able to fully understand the complete and total bloody mess I am. As Nurse A is helping me clean up, she looks up and giggles and says, "Do you think we can still be Facebook friends after this?" :P I told her she was officially from that point on my closest FB friend ever:)

I'll spare you the details of Ty's refusal to drink from the tap and the many hours I spent trying to get him to try. I will tell you that I expressed boob juice into a plastic hospital spoon, and that's how he drank it while we were there since he'd refuse to get it the old fashioned way and I refused to let him have a bottle and take the easy way out.

At any rate, two glorious, short days later, they made us let us go home with our TyTy... With no monitors or instruction manuals... (Although, I will confess to maybe putting the pulse oximeter on him a few [dozen] times the first few weeks. You know, just to be sure.)

And all was well...

And that's our story of Birth #3... Such a fun time :) I can't imagine a life without our precious little Ty!