Sunday, July 5, 2009

Holy crap

So it hits me the other day that, holy crap, we're about to have a baby. A real, crying, eating, take-it-home-from-the-hospital-after-it's-born baby, and despite my intentions of keeping him inside me until he's old enough to talk and be potty trained, odds are he'll be popping out in a few weeks instead.

Holy crap.

So I have spent a little less than nine months doing everything I know to NOT have a baby, and now it's time for him to come and we don't have anything prepared! Apparently I'm supposed to have a bag packed, and so should Shep, and I should be taking classes and learning my breathing and... Here I am with nothing packed, nothing learned, and not even a homecoming outfit or a crib for Ty.

I guess I have some reading and shopping to do... Fast. Holy crap.

I've been thinking a lot about how unprepared I was my last pregnancy since I realized how unprepared I am this pregnancy. Thankfully this time around it's a different breed of unprepared, but this time I have no excuse... Last time when I realized something was wrong, Shep and I sped to the hospital with the clothes on our backs and nothing more, and not a clue as to what to expect or any inkling of the events that were ahead of us. I remember having contractions every 3 minutes as I was riding in the ambulance to the hospital that would be our home for the next 8 and a half months, and the paramedic telling me to stop holding my breath, that I needed to breathe... He implied I should have learned that in my Lamaze classes... Which I reminded him are not recommended until the 7th month of pregnancy... So he showed me how to breathe through my contractions... Hope breathing techniques are the same for 8-lb babies as they are for 1-lb babies, because I never got around to taking classes this time either. Holy crap.

There were no laboring positions for me to ease the pain... I was on my side or my back for 18 hours trying to NOT have a baby. Then I was on my side or my back for the next 12 days trying NOT to have a baby... Apparently there are labor positions to ease pain and help get the baby out? Who knew? A squatting bar? Really?

There were no epidurals or spinals or anything last time around. They needed me to feel and to know what was going on... So I know all about what "natural childbirth" with itty bitty babies is all about... What about big babies? To anesthetize or not to anesthetize... That is the question... And I don't know the answer yet.

To my credit, Dax was born folded like a taco butt-first, and a 1-lb baby in that position has to be the equivalent of a much bigger baby, right? Right???

And there's so much more. Sooo much more!

And then after he's born he'll come home? And take bottles? And cry? No monitors? Holy crap.

Long story short, I may have a little more applied knowledge now of labor and delivery, but I still "don't know nuthin bout birthin no babies." And we don't know nuthin bout takin care of no "normal" babies. We're soooo thankful! But...

Holy crap.


Stephanie said...

LMAO....You had me in tears laughing!! I feel the same exact way - even though I am not pregnant or expecting a baby, however, I envision myself feeling the same exact way the next time around!!

Jennifer said...

LOL- Contractions are the same whether it's a one pound baby or an 8 lb baby. Your uterus doesn't know. Now, the little tunnel Ty will pass through might notice a big difference and you will too. lol

I highly recommend an epidural. One little pinprick in your back and then you are pain free for the rest of the journey. It was my drug of choice for my 3 previous pregnancies.

I had to have my still born daughter natural so I do know what that feels like too. It was the craziest pain I have ever had and I was so mad I wanted to feel every little ache. And boy, did I!

That's why I can highly recommend drugs. They are clearly a gift from God!

Laura (speaking for everyone!) said...

You crack me up! Good luck with it all! I read and read (as I didn't have much else to do on bedrest) and still wasn't prepared for a baby that doesn't stay in the hospital. It was still one of my most terrifying moments! I did have my bags packed- did that by 20 weeks! (I am a little OCD in some areas)!

Good luck! Love ya girl and I am so excited that you are gonna get your drive-thru baby!

Chris & AnnMarie said...

I have no idea how I found your blog, but we have very similar stories!

My son, Coy, is a former 23 weeker (now 19 months old) and I'm currently 33 weeks preggo with #2. I know the feelings of being totally 'unprepared' for this baby--I feel that way too! I've had a rough time with this one (been in the hospital for the past 13 weeks) but hey, she's still cooking and that's all that matters!

Anyway---good luck and hope all goes well! You deserve it after all the hell you went through with Dax!

Ann Marie Kolkhorst

Our little Miracles said...

Your hilarious. Really though being prepared is over rated.