Saturday, January 3, 2009

Update and a Soap Box

Happy Saturday!
So here we are again... Shep's at work and it's just me and the boy hanging out... He's once again in his exer-saucer watching Hoodwinked, but I am off my mashed potato and banana slushee kick and am trying to be a little more productive. We'll see! Dax's girlfriend is coming over to visit this afternoon so I really should get busy... The house is a mess and Dax is still hanging out in his pampers.

I just wanted to stop in and give you guys an update, and thank you for all the prayers for my friends. There's good news! The mass in Kimberly's brain is benign, and surgery is scheduled for the 20th. She'll be at St. Thomas for 3 days and then hopefully will be able to go home. We're all so thankful it's not more serious!

And Baby Payton is doing really well. They've been able to wean some of her settings and she's handling it. She must have heard the doctors say she wouldn't make it, so she kicked it into overdrive. Rumor has it she's just as hardheaded and oppositional as Dax was/is. That's a really good thing sometimes!

I was reminded as my friends entered these tough times of how insensitive some people can be when your life is falling apart, and often they do so without even meaning to. Kimberly and I sit around at times and laugh about some of the things people say in the interest of trying to make you feel better, like when people tell me how lucky I am that only one of my twins survived or how I should try harder to stay pregnant longer this time or how God took Kimberly's boyfriend because He felt like she should be stronger and how lucky she is she doesn't have to clean up after a man anymore. So as my friends are surviving yet another difficult phase in both of their journeys, and I hear a whole new set of crazy things people say and do, I feel compelled to remind everyone to evaluate your statements, actions, and motives prior to attempting to help someone who is in such a sensitive and potentially devastating place... An extra second of thought might lead you to reword that statement or discontinue that action that would cause more harm than good...

Sorry, had to take a second to sit on my soap box. I do that from time to time. You should get used to it.

While I'm thinking about it, I'm reminded of something strange that has happened. A year ago I was newly pregnant with Dax and Aubrie, right? From the second everyone found out we were pregnant, especially once people found out it was twins, we were inundated with people telling us the most awful, terrible pregnancy horror stories. I swear, people would say, "Oh my goodness! You're pregnant with twins? My friend just lost both her twins..." or "I was pregnant with twins once and I had the first one at 4 months and the second one was born disabled and still lives at home with me when he's not in jail..." or "Oh my friend had twins but one of them died in the womb and now the other twin has teeth growing on her stomach..." I was sitting with Kimberly telling her one day about all the crazy things people say, and she didn't believe me, but minutes later a man walks up and says, "You're having twins?! Wow. My friend got pregnant with 5 babies, and they all died." I just looked at her and laughed. I think she believed me after that. (Those are all true stories, I promise!) So, fast forward to a year later, and we have our very own scary pregnancy story, and nobody will tell us any scary stories anymore. I guess they feel like they can't top the one we lived this past year, so they just let it rest. People are funny.

But I can't wait until I get old and crotchety and start running down new young moms and say, "Oh, you're pregnant? Let me tell you a story..." But I'll wait until I get old and crotchety. Or maybe just crotchety.

5 comments:

aunt wee wee said...

Yes it is amazing what people will say, sometimes even more amazing what they will do. Like stalking a mom at the hospital when her child is critically ill, repeatedly calling, and then going floor to floor, up and down the halls trying to find her. Now that is inappropriate. Security should be involved...or wait, maybe they are.

On a much lighter note, it is great to hear that Dax and Kins are maintaining their long distance relationship. And I predict that Shaniqua will be healthy and the size of a large watermelon!!!

Anonymous said...

Now that's some King-sized inappropriateness!!!

Ryans Mama said...

No matter how rude people can be, you are still an amazing woman and mom and they can't take that away from you! I am so happy that Dax is doing good and I hope you are feeling well. I also am sooo happy you found a banana slushie!

Laura (speaking for everyone!) said...

People do say the most crazy things- It truly makes you wonder. And most of the time, people have no clue what you have already overcome.

I myself, am still fuming over a dr telling me that JD having RSV was- quote- " no big deal- just watch him". No big deal to someone who's children weren't born smaller than baby dolls! I told them I probably knew more about RSV than they did and I had been military (thanks to the NICU) trained that RSV was the worst thing imaginable.

I do pray that this pregnancy for you is so much different. I know that I have done the whole preemie/ nicu thing twice and Lord knows I don't want a 3rd helping- but, you guys have really gone through alot!

Colette said...

I would like to add to idiot comments while being pregnant. Mine deal mostly with size today. I have other subjects but I will only do weight today.
1). After announcing I was 12 weeks a friend told me "Oh, I just thought you had a good vacation". At this point I had only gained 4 pounds.
2). "Is your husband a big man?" No, you idiot I am 5 months pregnant
3). "You are really showing. Are you pregnant with twins?" Even after politely assuring I am only pregnant with one, people would continue "Are you sure, you never know" Well I think this is 2009 doctors are pretty sure about this things there are not too many surprises in the delivery room these days.
4). Then the standard bluntness - "you are getting fat."